your thoughts & gilbert is a hamster

your thoughts about other people's thoughts about you
are not important, jarva

at least not real enough to live in & why
should you be seeing maria looking down & sideways & across at you

full of disappointment

when she isn't even there
& you could call her on the phone

but you don't , do you---
lets focus on the real issues.

if you think about it

gilbert lost a leg because you imagined him to be fine
& he wasn't,

(while on the other 3 hand-like feet you thought he had wet tail & was going to die
within 72 hours) but he doesn't & he didn't die

because you found him & you cared for him

(through all this) discovering the quantum level,
where you dreamed your father in the kitchen putting gilbert into a small trash can

and in the dream you got there in time to save him from this awful fate-

& in the waking life your father almost banned gilbert from the house
& you thought you were safe & that this was the dreams premonition

coming up
& blowing over

but then you went away for maybe 4 days and nobody told you
that gilbert was missing & you assumed he was fine & then

you came back and found him
half dead in the plastic blue trash bin next to his cage

(where you hate to leave him)
\
which he must have escaped from & by some freak accident
or predestined event, landed in the empty bin

& his tail was wet from urine, his back leg was missing still
& all the horrors of your mind roared & your dreams were fevered nightmares

of black hamsters growing blacker & smaller in the corner of some dark lit den
but these dreams weren't real & did not come true

because you nursed & fed & cared for him the best you could
& he survived

& this is the important thing, jarva,

more than the imagining.

*leaked*not another depressing rap song *JARVALAND*

the OCCUPY MARS coffee cup has peeeled off at the 'OC'

there's a rotary phone with a sticker depicting neon colored troll dolls sitting on a stack of papers

in a basket

to my right. "the seven good years of egor keret" written in cursive under a drawing

on line paper of my face

in a block shaped notebook.

these are my mother's things.

i am trying to occupy mars.

There is no nothing.

There is no nothing.

Or everything is nothing   (in the same way)

Here I stand,

wavering between the two.

two girls sitting

"but so YOU think it was too much egg... or that's HOW you would die from something LIKE that...

"Hello" (guy)

"Hello" (Sarah Silverman)

"This is my friend Sarah"

"Hi Sarah"

"My name's Sarah Silverman"

"OK"

I just feel like I can't see subjectively...you know?

Like, I can only see everything OBJECTIVELY, you know?

Like, I see everything as it is for everyone but me, you know?

I'm just so SENSITIVE to all these FEELINGS and INTERACTIONS

and I'm just, like, trying to CLARIFY them for other PEOPLE constantly... you know?

Hello...? Are you there? HELLO!?!

costa rica is closing their zoos today